Being Human
by Wishing I could Delete this
Summary: I just-" She paused, it's was okay I told myself. At least she didn't hate me, I needed her not to hate me. "I just hate him, so much." R&R. Draco


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter:(

A/n: this is a new idea so I hope you all enjoy, updates for Painful should be out sometime next week sorry I haven't loaded them sooner.

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Start:

"Harry, come one," She said softly, looking towards me. "He's not worth it."

She turned around quickly and walked toward the moving staircases. She was heading to the library, she always went to the library after I publicly humiliated her. I knew that I was going to apologize, that I was going to tell her that I didn't mean it. This time I would, I would tell her that I only called her names to prove that I didn't like her. It wasn't safe if anyone knew, she would get hurt.

"Hermione" I whispered, she couldn't hear me now. She was already half way up the moving stairs, Harry and the red headed Weasley trailing behind her. "What have you done to me?" I asked to myself. If only she was pure blood, or at least half. It wouldn't be so bad. Maybe if she was in Slytherin, even Hufflepuff. Perhaps the dark lord would see how talented she was, she could be the exception. My father would die, but at least I would have her.

Why did blood matter in love, why did she need to have two fully magical parents. She has more then enough magic for her entire family, she should be worthy to take the name Malfoy. But she's not worthy, she'll never be worthy. Not even to clean the mud off of my shoes.

I cursed loudly.

No matter what happened, if the Dark lord falls or my father agrees, it wouldn't work out. It could never work out. She's just to plainly good, to nice. She'd never want me, not even if I became friends with Potter and denounced the dark arts.

It wasn't love at first sight, she was horrid and ugly the first time I saw her. Her teeth were big and her hair out of control and bushy. She had always reminded me of a skinny beaver without a tail. Second year wasn't much better, I could always see her prancing about with her nose up, thinking she was better then everyone else. Her and her morals, the fact that she was top at every class and best at everything.

I truly hated her, just like I hated Potter and the freckled boy. Ron.

Third year was worse. Her hair was more curly then bushy, her face more soft then ugly and her teeth had sort of made her smile cute. Her robes fit nicely and I could tell that she was certainly a girl now. Not a boy with overgrown hair. But then she punched me, square in the face, and it hurt- a lot.

A large red mark had colored my face for two days, I didn't go to the hospital wing. I deserved the slap, I let it sting. It was the punch that did it, she made my brain move or something because I couldn't get her to leave my mind alone. It was constant thoughts of what a nasty little mud blood she was and how when the light hit her face just right, her eyes had a light green coated in the brown.

Summer before forth year was disgusting. My father had taken me to the qudditch world cup, I was enthusatic to go. I had been invited to the ministers box, a priviallge I could brag about for months to come. What other wizards my age were going to be able to sit next to the minister himself?

But then I saw her, and she wasn't wearing robes. Jeans, muggle jeans and a thin dark red shirt that clung to her. Her hair was up, it looked wind blown and messy. But it was cute. I hated it. That I couldn't think of her without thinking she looked cute, without thinking she was ravishing.

At school I ignored her at all costs, choosing to annoy potter more and more to get my anger out. But then I hurt her. My spell made her teeth expand and grown until they were half way down her body. I almost ruined everything then. I almost ran to her.

But I didn't. I kept still, pretending to be concerned about Goyle.

She was at the hospital for two nights, I couldn't help but think that they couldn't reverse my spell. That I had ruined her smile forever. That thought plagued me, one because I cared, and two because then I would never get to see her smile.

I hated the relief that came to me when I saw her in potions. But something was different about her, her mouth was different. But not badly, just different. She kept licking her teeth, like getting the feel for them.

I felt guilty. I had caused that.

December fell around the castle, snow icing the grounds and painting the land in a flurry of frosted light white. She looked beautiful in the snow, it brought a nice warmth to her cheeks. She looked like Christmas felt. good.

The yule ball was announced, I needed a date.

Something happened that I didn't expect. I asked her, or tried to at least.

_The library was quiet, only a few students milled around, looking at books and leaving them lazily on the wood tables by the shelves. I walked past a section on mysterious creatures and headed for a table. I needed to finish my Ancient runes essay. Professor Sinertia was already upset I hadn't done the practice exam. _

_I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye and turned around. She was stiting at the table alone, concentrating on a heavy book. She was already halfway threw it. _

_"Hey Granger." I called to her suddenly, my feet turning of it's own accord. I tried to stop, to move quickly and run the other way but I couldn't. She had looked up and already spotted me walking toward her._

_She looked confused. I probably did to._

_"What do you want Malfoy?" She asked tiredly, pushing back a stray hair. _

_"Call me Draco, please." I grimaced. Why had I said that. She looked bewildered._

_"Uhm listen Grang- ehm. Hermione, you know the Yule Ball, I was thinking that- well, if-if" I mentally slapped myself, Malfoy's don't stutter. I've never stuttered in my entire life, and here I was acting like a coward in front of a simple girl._

_"Oh let me guess," Hermione said dramatically. "Your really not a bad guy and you've liked me ever since we've met but couldn't be with me because your a Malfoy and I'm just a filthy mudblood. But you want to go to the ball with me and we can finally be together. But in reality you'll either stand me up, or publicly embarrass me somehow. Well _Malfoy_I'm sorry but I'm not just going to fall so easily into your little game. Besides, I'm already going with someone." She glared at me angrily._

_"It's not Weasley is it?" I said furiously. Slamming my hand on the table. _

_"No it's not Ron. I can't believe you Malfoy." She snarled, grabbing her book and stomping from the library. I waited until she left and sat down on the chair she had been sitting in. _

_"God Draco, your so stupid." I muttered to myself. Of course she thought you were going to play a trick, I would have thought that to. _

_It was the first time I had ever cried over something that didn't involve my family. _

_Damn it, I thought bitterly. Why did it have to be her._

Nothing could have prepared me for the actual yule ball. I asked Pansy Parkinson last minute, she was delighted. She was the hottest girl in my house and had been waiting for me to ask her. I should have been happy. It only made matters worse.

I thought she would be with either the Longbottom fellow or one of the Weasleys. Maybe she'd see me with Pansy and see how much she missed out. It was probably the only reason I went to the whole stupid ball in the first place.

_I scanned the area quickly. No sign of her. Maybe she wasn't coming. I wasn't sure if I should be happy or sad about that. I decided I'd just be annoyed that she hadn't bothered to show up and just go back to the dorm early._

_"Hurry up Draco" Pansy smiled, tugging my hand and leading me into the great hall. If I hadn't been annoyed by Pansy's false smile and gagging on the cloud of perfume that encircled her then I would have been impressed by the decorations. We shuffled to make a line for the champions to enter threw. People made way easily for me and I ended up standing up front. Pansy wanted to view everyone up close. Probably to compare herself to the Fleur. She couldn't stop telling everyone she could that she prettier._

_"Oh. My. God." Pansy said upset. I rolled my eyes and continued to stare at the ceiling. It looked like it was snowing. I couldn't get the vision of Hermione in the snow out of my head. _

_"Look Draco."_ _Pansy simpered, pointing to something. I ignored her. "Is that Hermione?" She asked. I quickly looked to where she was pointing. Hermione was being led down the hall by Victor Krum, the bastard. I felt my mouth open wide and couldn't speak. Her robes were some type of blue that only she would look good in. Her hair was twisted into some type of fancy style, all of the frizziness was gone. For the first time in my life I saw what a tiny bit of makeup could do on someone. _

_"Granger looks hot." Someone near me said. I wasn't the only one who noticed. I narrowed my eyes at the sixth year Hufflepuff. He'd pay for that latter. _

_"Hell yah, I'd so get on that." His friend grinned. I couldn't control myself. I pointed my wand at him and muttered a curse. He fell to the ground painfully, his legs turning jelly like. _

_"Bastard." I muttered. _

_"What did you say?" Pansy asked, turning her attention back from the Fleur and Granger. She hadn't heard a word I said. I shook my head and led her away from the line and toward the circle that was now forming the dancers. _

_The music struck up softly and Krum swept Hermione into a spin. Her dressed flared around her and exposed a large section of her legs, I could truly appreciate the dress and her body now. The dress went low in the back, I think it would be considered backless to be precise. The blue fabric fell around her and hit her ankles which were strapped to impossibly high heels. Large slits in the dress made it almost possible to see everything up to her hip, the cut ended around mid thigh, and when she twirled I had to think very hard of my uncles scarred and ugly face. _

_I led Pansy onto the dance floor. I needed to keep my mind distracted. I twisted Pansy and we swirled around the now many couples, I kept my eye on Granger and krum at all times. Which is why I almost stepped on Pansy's foot when Krum dipped Hermione. I was solely focused on the way the v cut of Hermiones dress made her chest look tantalizingly good. _

_"Draco, are you okay?" Pansy whinned, "you almost stepped on me." _

_"Oh. I'm sorry." I said and twirled her again._

_The song ended after a few more minutes and the loud blaring noise of teen rock blasted from the stage. People began to yell and jump, I looked around in disgust. Everyone was smashing together, screaming along with the lyrics and acted stupid. I looked toward Hermione and saw that she was dancing with Krum, but this was a different type of dance. Something painful hit my chest and I staggered toward a table. _

_"Damn it." I growled, knocking over a forgotten cup. I saw Pansy looking for me and ducked behind a large group of people, I couldn't be bothered to pretend with her anymore. I honestly didn't care about hiding anything then._

_"I hate you Granger." I whispered, watching as she moved even more provocatively with Krum. "I hate what you do to me." I said again. Half hoping she could hear what I was saying. _

_"But most of all, I hate that I love you." _

For days afterward I couldn't get her out of my mind. Quickly the second task approached and I had almost forgotten about the Yule ball, maybe Hermione had just been going with Krum because she felt sorry, or couldn't say no.

I wasn't watching the task, I was looking around the crowds for Hermione. She wouldn't miss this, especially since Potter was in the task. She would never miss something that Harry did. I was starting to give up hope when I saw Victor emerging from the water, carrying a watered version of Hermione. She was clad scantly in her white button up shirt and skirt, the watter making the clothes stick to her tighter then even her dress at the ball.

I groaned.

She was Victors most valued person, as she was mine.

After that I followed the Daily Prophet closely, rereading every word the Skeeter woman, whatever her name was, had ever written about Hermione. My Hermione.

I found out what she was, a little beetle. I gave her information about the giant oaf Hagrid and it worked, the skeeter woman stopped bad mouthing Hermione and began trash talking Hagrid.

I thought she would be pleased, happy even, that there weren't anymore vicious rumors about her, but she seemed even more upset. Hagrid's feelings obviously meant a lot to her. I couldn't feel guilty though. I had done the right thing. I took care of the people I cared about, like my mother taught me.

Even if I didn't like it, I cared about Hermione.

Then Diggory died, the night I was going to tell her. The night that I thought she would be most happy that she had to say yes, I was actually steping toward her when Potter landed with him. My mouth was open, ready to tell her what I felt when the screams began.

"I need to tell you something," I said. She didn't turn around, she ran straight forward toward the red head, toward Ron.

She hadn't even heard me.

And now here, In fifth year. It hasn't even been a month, and I've totally blown my chance of changing her opinion of me.

I took the stairs two at a time, not stopping to say hello to my passing class mates. I didn't have the time. I skidded to a halt outside the library doors and tried to control my breathing. This was it. This time I was going to do it, I was finally going to tell her how I feel. I wouldn't back out, nothing would get in the way. I would force her to listen to me if I had to. I wouldn't let her leave until she fully understood what I felt.

I opened the door quietly and slipped into the room.

I spotted her immediately, she was sitting in the back, a stack of books like a shield around her. I grinned at the sight, she was always so predictable.

"You know, we could always turn him into a toad." The red head Weasley girl said, dropping into the open chair beside her. I cursed. I wanted to do this alone. The red head was pretty and young, she wiped away a tear from Hermonie's face.

"This is ridiculous, I don't even know why I'm crying." Hermione said, her voice breaking twice. "He's just a stupid Malfoy, but it hurt. It hurts every time."

I wanted to do myself bodily harm, to smash myself into a thousand itty bitty bits. I had made her cry, more then once. I couldn't stand myself, I was physically disgusting.

"Hermione, don't listen to a prat like that. You have me, Harry, Ron and every other Gryffindor behind you." the girl said, rubbing her back soothingly. I felt like I should be that person, I should be the one to comfort her.

"Thank you Ginny, I just really really really don't like him. I didn't think it was possible, to not like someone so much. I've never hated anyone in my life, not even Mr. Crouch for treating winky bad. God, I just don't know what to do." She cried.

"He's a slimmy worm ball." Ginny agreed.

At least she didn't hate me, if it was only extreme dislike I could get over that. I would just work to make her like me, to make her see that I was good to. I wasn't all bad. She just couldn't hate me, I needed her not to hate me.

"I just- hate him." Hermione whispered.

I stumbled back toward the exit and blindly made my way down the stair case and to my own dorm room.

"I need you not to feel like that Hermione." I said, wishing she could somehow hear me and understand.

"I love you." It was the first time I said it aloud without hating it. The first time I accepted the fact that I wouldn't just get over this, this wasn't just a crush. This was something else, something I was sure I wasn't ready to deal with.

"I need you, I need you not to hate me."

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I finally posted something again. Please tell me what you think.


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